‘Hello, Madam, good afternoon.’
‘Yes?’
‘My name is Jeremy Bentham, Full Security Solutions. FSS. Your safety partner.’
‘Is something the matter?’
‘Well, madam, we can help you to keep burglars and thieves away. Nice house you have.’
‘Isn’t that the job of the police?’
‘They are usually too late, aren’t they? They come when the crime has been committed, when the damage is done.’
‘I have never had a burglary, here in my house.’
‘Newspapers report that there is a wave of break-ins in the area. Several eastern European gangs are operating.’
‘So what?’
‘Doesn’t that scare you?’
‘No.’
‘Suppose they break in and steal all your precious things, your television, your jewelry.’
‘They won’t.’
‘A lady with a strong mind. That’s good, madam. But these guys are ruthless. In the house next door, your neighbours are still traumatised by what happened to them.’
‘Serves them right.’
‘Sorry?’
‘They don’t have Jesus.’
‘Jesus?’
‘Yes, Jesus protects me.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘I feel very secure with Jesus.’
‘I am so happy for you.’
‘So, I won’t need to buy any security solutions from you.’
‘Would you mind if I came in and made a quick security check, you know, to see if all windows have strong enough locks, if the back door isn’t a weak spot.’
‘No, you cannot enter my house.’
‘Why not, madam, I’m here to help you.’
‘You might as well be part of that gang of burglars, scouting the victims.’
‘I’m an honest sales man, madam.’
‘Let’s see what Jesus has to say about that.’
‘Huh?’
‘Jesus, come boy.’
‘A ferocious dobermann comes to the porch and barks aggressively at the sales man. He is terrified.
‘This is Jesus.’
‘Ah. This is Jesus.’
‘He is my savior.’
‘Well, eh good day, madam, eh thank you for your time. Bye, Jesus. Good boy. Oh my God.’
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